Thank you as ever for reading Family Lines so attentively. I really appreciate the care you take in commenting on the story. And I'm very sorry you felt let down by this chapter. Marge's phrase 'birth parents' is used because she knows now that Deb knows the truth of her parentage. See Ellen's letter at the end of the preceding chapter. By now there are no more secrets. But I can see it is a somewhat impersonal phrase for her to use in the context.
Betty was younger and more naive than Dolores. But Jim had only had a fling with Betty. In a previous draft I had referred to him having 'a fling with a yellow dress'. Dolores was the one he was serious about.
As for her pregnancy being managed by her mother and sister, this was a more benign solution than the ones Marge mentions in her letter, which after all were the traditional ones at that time in Ireland. Betty wasn't in a position to keep a child, especially after Jim's departure. But of course you're right she might not have been entirely happy about being taken over by others.
I plan to read through the whole manuscript now that I have completed it and will iron out any inconsistencies at that stage. So thank you for pointing out the weak spots. Your help will make me a better writer!
Well, I didn't see that coming! Makes sense of why Jim was writing to Betty - I'd though they had had a fling after his affair with Dolores. And gives us an insight into Betty's mood swings.
But to be honnest this episode didn't work for me. Marge's very casual words "... in search of your birth parents" were like a punch in the stomach. It came accross to me as an unkind way of telling Deb this shattering news while the rest of the letter shows how much she cared for her. But the moment I wrote that I started thinking that perhaps the matter was still mixed up in Marge's mind, she was still half in denial, half pretending the 'mother Dolores' story that had been told for a generation and couldn't really own that this was a lie and so the truth had to dribble out sideways. So maybe your way of telling it is right. But it took a lot of work for me to see it this way. Might have been easier for me if Marge had finished the letter by stating the facts squarely. I might have put it together better that way.
The other thing that jarred was to hear that Betty had suffered because of Jim's betrayal. But Jim's letters said that he left because 'Dolores blew him out' and for what seemed like years afterwards, he was askeing to be forgiven, and wanting to make enough money so that they coud be together. Surely Betty suffered at the way her pregnancy and relationship was managed by Dolores, not by Jim's betrayal?
Sorry to be negative and maybe a bit dense, nit-picking. I've loved the story very much, its just this episode that hasn't worked for me.
To end more positively I like how Debs flight ended up repeating Betty's stays in squats and communes and the like.
Such a poignant letter - I hope it does help Deb to understand that the secrets were kept in the (misguided) belief that the truth would would be so much harder for her to bear. Another wonderful instalment in this most captivating story!
Thank you as ever for reading Family Lines so attentively. I really appreciate the care you take in commenting on the story. And I'm very sorry you felt let down by this chapter. Marge's phrase 'birth parents' is used because she knows now that Deb knows the truth of her parentage. See Ellen's letter at the end of the preceding chapter. By now there are no more secrets. But I can see it is a somewhat impersonal phrase for her to use in the context.
Betty was younger and more naive than Dolores. But Jim had only had a fling with Betty. In a previous draft I had referred to him having 'a fling with a yellow dress'. Dolores was the one he was serious about.
As for her pregnancy being managed by her mother and sister, this was a more benign solution than the ones Marge mentions in her letter, which after all were the traditional ones at that time in Ireland. Betty wasn't in a position to keep a child, especially after Jim's departure. But of course you're right she might not have been entirely happy about being taken over by others.
I plan to read through the whole manuscript now that I have completed it and will iron out any inconsistencies at that stage. So thank you for pointing out the weak spots. Your help will make me a better writer!
Well, I didn't see that coming! Makes sense of why Jim was writing to Betty - I'd though they had had a fling after his affair with Dolores. And gives us an insight into Betty's mood swings.
But to be honnest this episode didn't work for me. Marge's very casual words "... in search of your birth parents" were like a punch in the stomach. It came accross to me as an unkind way of telling Deb this shattering news while the rest of the letter shows how much she cared for her. But the moment I wrote that I started thinking that perhaps the matter was still mixed up in Marge's mind, she was still half in denial, half pretending the 'mother Dolores' story that had been told for a generation and couldn't really own that this was a lie and so the truth had to dribble out sideways. So maybe your way of telling it is right. But it took a lot of work for me to see it this way. Might have been easier for me if Marge had finished the letter by stating the facts squarely. I might have put it together better that way.
The other thing that jarred was to hear that Betty had suffered because of Jim's betrayal. But Jim's letters said that he left because 'Dolores blew him out' and for what seemed like years afterwards, he was askeing to be forgiven, and wanting to make enough money so that they coud be together. Surely Betty suffered at the way her pregnancy and relationship was managed by Dolores, not by Jim's betrayal?
Sorry to be negative and maybe a bit dense, nit-picking. I've loved the story very much, its just this episode that hasn't worked for me.
To end more positively I like how Debs flight ended up repeating Betty's stays in squats and communes and the like.
Thank you. I guess the truth is hard to bear no matter when one hears it. I'm happy that the story continues to captivate you.
Such a poignant letter - I hope it does help Deb to understand that the secrets were kept in the (misguided) belief that the truth would would be so much harder for her to bear. Another wonderful instalment in this most captivating story!